enlightened motherhood, among other things – thought-provoking things to think about… :)
I have been writing to my daughter since I was 3 months pregnant. Sometimes once a week, sometimes once a year, and sometimes in between. I’ve kept all my writings to her in a brown leather journal – tucked inside are birthday cards, little somethings I wrote somewhere random, magazine clippings, and a few random pictures.
I write in these “letters” all of the words, concepts, and feelings that my daughter cannot understand at her current age. Sometimes I tell her stories about adorable things she did, or incidents that she won’t remember. I also tell her about certain problems, events, situations, and even facets of her young personality that may have formed her into the young woman she will be as she reads what I’ve written.
I kept her in the loop when she went to the hospital for ten days at ten days old. Tell her how the orchids bloom every year on her birthday. I told her about how, when she was about 4 months old – I was vacuuming, and she was in her little reclining bouncer thingy. Suddenly I shut the vacuum off, looked at her, and saw that she had turned to the side, getting stuck and almost stifling herself. My heart just about stopped and I turned my beloved daughter to face me, unbuckled her, and threw out that damn bouncer – then I felt like a horrible mother. “I should have known she was too old for that bouncer, I shouldn’t ever turn my back to her, I can’t believe this happened, Should I even tell anyone?” I did tell her, in the journal, just in case it helps her to know about this when she is grown. Don’t know how or why it will help her… Only time will tell.
I do all of this hoping that one day when she is old enough, she will understand why I raised her the way I did, what was going through my mind, my fears, feelings, and things I wanted to tell her, but couldn’t.
Yesterday, my daughter turned three, and I bought her a birthday card. She won’t read it until years from now.
When is the right time, as a parent, to give your child those intimate writings from when they were young? I still don’t know – until that time, I will continue sharing another side of her life with her through writing.